For this purpose, I'm considering a failure as an outcome that didn't go our way, but only because we tried first. True failure is to never try.
Some of the greatest lessons we ever learn come from the biggest failures we endured. Perhaps it was our failure to prepare. Or our failure to remember a key element for a project. For this purpose, I'm considering a failure as an outcome that didn't go our way, but only because we tried first. True failure is to never try.
So what is a failure parent? I let my kids stumble once in a while, when I know it would be very simple to use my influence to change the outcome for them. But then what do they learn?
Mind you, I would NEVER put my child in harms way. NEVER EVER. But if I see that they are going about something and it's not going to work the way they assume it should, I let them fail all by themselves. For example, while cleaning off the table, once everyone has gone to school, I notice that there is the homework one of my sons diligently worked on the night before. Part of doing your homework is to make sure you put it in your backpack and turn it in. There are usually consequences such as missing Friday Fun (that hour they let you play around at the end of the week.) Instead, since you didn't turn in your paper, you miss it and have to study. If I were to run to school every day and bring them the items they forgot, they wouldn't learn anything, except that mom will save me and I'll always get rewarded.
Think about test taking. It is necessary to study. If you don't study you fail that test. Learning at an early age that if you study for that test, it'll be easier is much better than getting to college, where your entire grade is based on one grade, and not knowing this fact of failure.
How about that sports team they want to be on? My guidance gives them the knowledge they need to try and make the team. To be a good hockey player, for example, you need to do some skating practices, where you work on your skill and your speed. You need to eat right. You need to work out. A few shooting practices won't hurt either and neither will shooting in the garage on the net. All these options are there for my kids to grow. However, sometimes, they just don't want to put the work into it. They don't want to be at the rink early or skate harder. All of this is okay. Kids like to play and sometimes working that hard is just that...work! When it comes time for tryouts, it often shows which kids put that time in and which are trying to go on natural ability alone. Natural ability sometimes comes through, but it's the prepared kids that usually make the team. Sometimes, your own kid's name is on the cut list.
I don't think getting cut from a team is failure. It's a life lesson. If you want something really badly you have to chase it and work for it. Sure, sometimes that doesn't work either, but at least they try. Teaching them that they have to think about what they want and work for it prepares them for adulthood. Teaching them that if they didn't put their mind to it, it doesn't always work out, also prepares them for the future when I'm not there to save them from themselves. Teaching them to work harder the next time to achieve their goals is the lesson I'm going for. Failures aren't bad. Failures show us that we are human and not all things go the way we think they should. They open the door for improvement or change. Failure is good. I'm a failure parent.
So what is a failure parent? I let my kids stumble once in a while, when I know it would be very simple to use my influence to change the outcome for them. But then what do they learn?
Mind you, I would NEVER put my child in harms way. NEVER EVER. But if I see that they are going about something and it's not going to work the way they assume it should, I let them fail all by themselves. For example, while cleaning off the table, once everyone has gone to school, I notice that there is the homework one of my sons diligently worked on the night before. Part of doing your homework is to make sure you put it in your backpack and turn it in. There are usually consequences such as missing Friday Fun (that hour they let you play around at the end of the week.) Instead, since you didn't turn in your paper, you miss it and have to study. If I were to run to school every day and bring them the items they forgot, they wouldn't learn anything, except that mom will save me and I'll always get rewarded.
Think about test taking. It is necessary to study. If you don't study you fail that test. Learning at an early age that if you study for that test, it'll be easier is much better than getting to college, where your entire grade is based on one grade, and not knowing this fact of failure.
How about that sports team they want to be on? My guidance gives them the knowledge they need to try and make the team. To be a good hockey player, for example, you need to do some skating practices, where you work on your skill and your speed. You need to eat right. You need to work out. A few shooting practices won't hurt either and neither will shooting in the garage on the net. All these options are there for my kids to grow. However, sometimes, they just don't want to put the work into it. They don't want to be at the rink early or skate harder. All of this is okay. Kids like to play and sometimes working that hard is just that...work! When it comes time for tryouts, it often shows which kids put that time in and which are trying to go on natural ability alone. Natural ability sometimes comes through, but it's the prepared kids that usually make the team. Sometimes, your own kid's name is on the cut list.
I don't think getting cut from a team is failure. It's a life lesson. If you want something really badly you have to chase it and work for it. Sure, sometimes that doesn't work either, but at least they try. Teaching them that they have to think about what they want and work for it prepares them for adulthood. Teaching them that if they didn't put their mind to it, it doesn't always work out, also prepares them for the future when I'm not there to save them from themselves. Teaching them to work harder the next time to achieve their goals is the lesson I'm going for. Failures aren't bad. Failures show us that we are human and not all things go the way we think they should. They open the door for improvement or change. Failure is good. I'm a failure parent.
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